This is my first translation so if you have any advice please let me know!
If you like my work, I am open to requests and commissions.
Email: sonicdude313@gmail.com
discord:sonicdude313

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Raw: http://e-hentai.fbk.tokyo/index/g/2304533/e200e04030/
Artist information:
hoohttp://www.dmm.co.jp/dc/doujin/-/detail/=/cid=d_239616
https://elii.cc/wayw
hoohttps://www.pixiv.net/users/29981

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Not bad at all. Usually first-time TLers asking for commissions are all irredeemably shit and try to do a quick scam before being called out, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. That being said:

1. Why are you ignoring almost all the handwritten text? There's actual dialogue in there, not just moans or SFX. Clearly you can read it because you sometimes translate it, so not sure why you're being inconsistent.
2. There's typos (page 4: I gotten, p.7 preping, etc.)
3. There's something weird going on with your typesetting. It's like you're trying to... manually center all the words sometimes? See page 5 for example. Photoshop should have automatic centering. Also, I feel like your text is often too big. I've linked a general TS guide below.

And a bunch of other stuff, but I won't bust your balls for a first release. Although, opening yourself up to take money DOES raise the standards quite a bit.

Guides:

General: https://oko.sh/eiKzwU
Typesetting: https://gplinks.co/35OwR
Redrawing: https://ouo.io/A4O1up

Base +25, devildonger +6, slapforce +6, Rose Garden +10, Eden of Shirock +6, satoshi00710 +6, iMonik +6, ProbablyEnzoh +5, West Bird +6, grianj +6, watdis +6, mcCo +8, darkwing42 +50, and 34 more...

@cutegyaru thank you for legitimate advice. Ill make sure to check out those resources and fix the pages.

Base +6, Eden of Shirock +6, ComicFlan +6, iMonik +6, slapforce +6, JigglyBop +6, West Bird +6, Ahegaosensei +6, grianj +6, DragonClaw +9, mcCo +8, darkwing42 +50, sgc_geh +11, and 28 more...

As a final joke, I was hoping she wouldn't have lost any weight, but they all turned into bodybuilders.

Base +12, Cresscellia +6, Protazy +6, heh...narto +6, ancientsofmumu +6, Sprachmein +6, MeloTheYellow +6, Fireboy2009 +13

Thanks for the TL, good effort!

On a side note for hairy enjoyers, the RAW includes the story in 3 additional versions (pubic hair, armpit hair and both) so for anyone more keen on any of those, it should be simple enough to shoop this translation onto either of them.

Base +10, oheye +9, magxd1996 +3, Epherion +9, MeloTheYellow +6, HauuNanoDesu +7

Wish she stayed chubby, need more sexy chubby girls in doujins

Base +6, okayokaylisten +6, wtfidonteven +6, devildonger +6, 333555777a +6, MeloTheYellow +6, baneonplane +8, Cresscellia +6, Not@Channer +6

Good work for a first tl and i'm really glad this one got done!!

Base +7, okayokaylisten +6, oheye +9

Anybody knows which doujin the art from the last page's credits came from? I know it's from Syunichi cause the face and tits alone gives it away but I can't find that exact page in any of the doujins that's in this site made by him.

EDIT: NVM I'm an idiot, it's by Try/Hougen

Last edited on 21 November 2023, 07:06.

Base +6

KANZUME sensei is always chatting on Setomiya streams, its wholesome. Recommend if you know japanese and like chill streams.

Base +6, Ensei Sohryu +6