You can find more information about me on my Patreon page: Patreon.com/MrSweetCuckhold

----------------- PART 1 --------------------
ENG: http://e-hentai.fbk.tokyo/index/g/2290513/eb8d73728d/
ITA: http://e-hentai.fbk.tokyo/index/g/2293694/721080394e/
GER: http://e-hentai.fbk.tokyo/index/g/2301269/dd17d9616c/

Nice improvement on the dialogue, but it's still a bit simple at times.

Also, very nice progression with the story. Looking forward to the next part.

Pg 12 makes almost no sense.
Pg 13 Loanshark/Boss makes very little sense
Pg 14 Bad grammar, but can be understood.
Pg 15 Also bad grammar, but can also be understood.
Pg 17 Husband has bad grammar.
Pg 19 Bad Grammar
Pg 20 Top speech bubble makes no sense.
...
It goes on like that. I'm not gonna go into exact corrections right now, maybe if I feel like it another day. I just took a sleeping pill that'll catch up with me soon.

My point is that you could benefit a lot from a proofreader. You'll get the best work with the most stable deadlines by paying someone, but you don't have to. You could announce on your patreon you're looking for one. People there will definitely be willing. Just make sure they speak proper English. Won't leak stuff and maybe gift them Patreon membership of the level you find appropriate.

BTW: The languages you publish in makes it sound like you're Austrian, Swiss or Northern Italian :)

Last edited on 04 September 2022, 00:10.

Base +11

Thank you again AtotehZ again for your feedback! I tried to follow all the feedback from the comments of Part 1 (lights, texture, dialogue, ecc..) and I hope you can see the improvements!
As for the lyrics, I would love to hire some of my Patreon to help me proofread the lyrics, but so far I have not been contacted. I will try to insist more on this point. However, you are right, the biggest difficulties are the idioms that are very difficult to translate into other languages and sound strange when you translate them.
Finally, I want to tell you that I would like to, once concluded, post a complete and corrected version (aka Remastered) on the site :)

Last edited on 06 September 2022, 22:27.

Base +1

If you write the lines in Italian I recommend to let the proofreader improvise a bit if they feel it's necessary. You can always decline the changes if you don't like them.

I was proofreading for a Brazilian guy for a year or so. That was hard work. He had something like 28k lines in his game script, where over 20k of that was dialogue lines. This is closer to a few hundred lines.

I was in Tuscany about a month ago. Great place.

Last edited on 05 September 2022, 19:35.

Base +11

Hi,

I’ve translated a lot of 2D and 3D comics in french on e-hentai and other sites. I’m french, from Normandy. I discovered the first chapter a few weeks ago and enjoyed it.

Personally, I would be interested in translating your story into french, free of charge. I do that for pleasure. I’ve never been paid for my work, lol.

Answer me, if you’re interested. I usually publish my own translations myself, but I don’t mind if you want to do it for me.

Edd085

PS : My work : http://e-hentai.fbk.tokyo/index/uploader/Edd085

Base +21

This is the kind of story set up I love. The 3D isn't too bad either. I hope more gets made and that the translations and artist gets better with time.

Base +6