A good first attempt, it did get better as you went on. You started to use outline which makes it way more readable and pretty; not sure why you didn't redo the first few pages with outlines but whatever. As for the translation, I'm not sure which is your main language but the english seems a little off, weird syntax; I would suggest looking at previous translations of similar works as the dialogue is basically what makes or breaks this artist work, try reading it aloud and see if it sounds weird or not "There is a gloomy atmosphere surrounding the masochist man is forced to walk towards me..." doesn't read well for example. I would also recommend not writing "<3" for hearts but rather using the ASCII symbol (♥). Overall a pretty satisfying work, hopefully if you keep at it as you'll get better as experience builds. I appreciate you translating ryokutya's works as he's very undertranslated for some reason.
Thanks for the critiques - I'm actually a native english speaker Ryokutya's phrasing is just very hard to translate sometimes, his text is very literal and can be kind of hard to get into english without changing too much. Will work on tweaking a bit more for SALC 21 which I'll do next along with better formatting/outlines.
Nah man, thank you for translating these works; I would love to help you out as much as I can because I really want to be able to enjoy these works as a non japanese speaker. Hopefully you add a way to contact you, would love to proofread or whatever I can do to be of assistance!
Base +6, regime +6, ostrich1999 +6
Posted on 30 July 2020, 15:15 UTC by: blue penguin