I tried to practice by translating manga by Amezawa Koma.
I'm not so good with English and still have a lot to learn so don't expect too much.
Hope you enjoy this more or less.
Goshujin.

>I'm not so good with English and still have a lot to learn so don't expect too much.
You know, you're not forced to fly solo. You could have asked for help in the Cove of Translators or something. Found a proofreader to fix up the rough spots.

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thanks for one shot

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Please don't get offended by this. I just want to help since you're practicing. (and I'm bored lmao) :)

Note: The statement enclosed with a ( ) is the original statement of this translation.

Okay, the phrase "like this" is redundant [not needed].

On page 2, there are some grammatical errors. ("I saw you naked so many times, Just swimsuit at this hour") I assume that the boy MC is troubled on why she is acting shy when he saw her naked many times before so it could be rephrased as "I saw you naked many times, you're just wearing a swimsuit right now!". ("But I'm embarrassing here") can be shortened as "But it's embarrassing!". ("Then why go out of your way and wearing it?") can be shortened as "Then why trouble yourself and wear it?".

On page 3, ("Cuz you're the one who choose this"). The word "choose" must be "chose" since the MC already bought the swimsuit so it's past tense.

On page 4, ("I'm super turn on. You can feel it right? From mine hitting you.") . Correction: "I'm super turned on. You can feel it right? It's hitting you." ("You're the one that perverted here") Correction: "You're the one who is perverted here" because the boy is addressing a human being so "that" is substituted by "who".

On page 6, (" For beach-ish feeling, let me apply you something but instead of sunblock, let's use Nuru gel") Correction: "For a beachy [pun intended] feeling, Let's apply something viscous, but instead of sunblock, let us use Nuru gel!". ("You seem you feel good everytime I apply it for you") Correction: "You seem to feel good every time I apply/rub it to you". "to" is a preposition. (What are you acting considerate for?") Considerate means to think about something carefully so I substituted it to "shy".

On page 7, ("Today, it a warming the nuru gel. Your body feel nice and warm right?') Correction: "The nuru gel today is warm. You body feels good right?)

On page 8, ("It kind of not warm enough here, I'll apply it a lot then") Correction: "But this part here is not warm enough. I'll apply more,"

On page 9, the "all over" part is redundant and don't forget to add a be-verb "is" so the correction is "Your inside is so slippy."
Note: The word "slippy" is informal. It came from the word "Slippery" but it's still okay to use it.

On page 10, ("But just finger not enough to make me...") Correction: But just a finger isn't enough to make me". "a" is an article.

On page 11, it can be shortened as "It's so slimy and slippery"

On page 13, it's singular so all the verbs must have an -s at the last. Ex. Thank = Plural Thanks = Singular

On page 18, ("That a lot of sweat") Correction: "That was a lot of sweat" because they sweated a lot during sex but in this scene, it was all over. ("You just wanna do it, right") Correction: "You just wanted to do it, right?" I assume that the boy's motive was to have sex all along so it must be on past tense. ("But that I want to see you in this swimsuit is true") Correction: "But it was true that I wanted to see you in this swimsuit." It's longer than the original but it's also the correct one.

You could ask help next time though. Anyway, good luck.

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Meh,English isn't my native language too. So I'm okay with your trasnlation.

Base +9, ShadowMKII -7, Yairz -6, skywing94 -6, Latson4 -6, shadow249 -10

@freudia thank for advise, If there another work I'll try to find someone to polish my script.

@Nese420 really appreciate for point out, just realize how bad localize I am. lol I think I'm too stick with translate word to word from Japanese.

Base +7, Speed Racer +6, Shaz42 +9, rt2hot +7

@Nese420 Great comments, but I think one thing you said isn't quite right.

On page 7, ("Today, it a warming the nuru gel. Your body feel nice and warm right?') Correction: "The nuru gel today is warm. You body feels good right?)

There is such a thing as warming gel. It actually creates a warm feeling on the skin rather than just being heated its self.

Base +8