I made this because the first english translation done by a different team was a rewrite.
Will also upload part 2 soon

Enjoy!

thank you very much

Base +6, Aristoplato -11, Chunga -19, hobohobo -30, Zeth2 -6

This has potential! Can't wait for chapter 2!

Base +6, Chunga -19, hobohobo -30, Zeth2 -6

003
OG: 信夫もお兄ちゃんみたいに若くて美人な嫁さん貰えたらねぇ
TL: "If only I could score a young, beautiful wife like my brother"
ED: wrong speaker

006
OG: すーちゃんは毎年夏休みになると東京からはるばる酪農の手伝いに来てくれる
TL: "Suu-chan came all the way from Tokyo to help out at the dairy farm during her summer break"
ED: he's not just talking about one instance

OG: 高齢の祖父母（俺にとっては両親だが）を心配してくれているらしい
TL: "She's concenred[sic] about her grand parents[sic] (my parents)"
ED: missing detail about his parents/her grandparents

008
OG: おフロ上がりました
TL: N/A

OG: 顔と体は美人の母親似
TL: "Her face and body resembles her mother"
ED: missing detail about her mother

008
OG: だから今ヤってやる
TL: "I decided to do it tonight"
ED: missing first part of line

010
OG: 作業で疲れてぐっすりだねすーちゃん…
TL: "She's tired from working hard. She sounds asleep"
ED: he's speaking directly to her, and he's not talking about the way she sounds

014
OG: こんなにしても案外起きないもんだな
TL: "This much, and she still hasn't woken up"
ED: missing his own thoughts on the situation

017
OG: 完全に喘ぎ声になってるじゃないか
TL: "She's moaning lewdly"
ED: he's not simply describing her moans, he's talking about her transformation

018
OG: ほらビンビンになったクリを集中攻撃されてるよ
TL: "Your clit got hard from my nonstop touching"
ED: he's not talking about her clit getting hard, he's trying to direct her attention to his actions

021
OG: あ…痛い…
TL: N/A
ED: erased text

etc

---

004 "blacksheep"
004 "Even though I'm the one who stayed here and has been helping..."
006 "thoguh"
006 "concenred"
006 "grand parents"
009 "my brother still have it all"
010 "sounds asleep"
011 "fonddle"
012 "I wait how she'd react"
025 "embarasing"
029 "shamless"
034 "squzeezing"

only pointing out missing details and blatant mistakes from the first half but it looks like the lines end up being obviously mtl in many cases. other parts that you try to rewrite also stray further from the original text

Base +38, mavikos +9, as102 +13, cybeast93 +27, musoukaXIV +10, Jouven +8, Th3 Sl0th +6, offtimer +11, cutegyaru +29, Aristoplato +11, Chunga +19, hobohobo +36, darkrider1 +9, and 2 more...