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https://www.pixiv.net/artworks/103602018

Something had to be done about the machine translated version!

Base +6

the dialogue is kinda rewritey because it seems like you got the speaker wrong a few times
a lot of sfx are made up too

002
OG: じゃあ女の子とセ…遊んだりとか…？
TL: "Well then, have you ever been with a girl...or anything...?"
ED: she corrects herself in the middle of her line

005
OG: もうっ…こんなに出しちゃって…
TL: "Sorry...I came so much inside you..."
ED: wrong speaker but no one's apologizing

006
OG: ええやろ？たまっとんねん。
TL: "What? Torneko"
ED: wrong speaker, made up dialogue

007
OG: ぶふっしゃーないメス犬やな♡
TL: "You're like a bitch in heat ♥"
ED: missing first half of the line

008
OG: ぶふっええオメコしとるやないか！
TL: "Heheh you like my pussy don't you!"
ED: wrong speaker, made up dialogue (directly related to prev page and next bubble)

OG: ぶふふせやろ？ヒイヒイいわせたるわ
TL: "Bwa hah hah are you ok? I told you this would be good"
ED: made up dialogue, aside from the laugh

009
OG: オメコがええのんか！言うてみい
TL: "Your pussy feels so good!"
ED: he's asking her a question and then giving her an order

016
OG: るっ…
TL: "Tee hee..."
ED: this isn't a giggle

OG: まだ…できますよね勇者様？
TL: "Not yet...can you hold it in hero?"
ED: she's not asking if he can hold it in. that wouldn't make sense esp after he came in the prev panel

022
OG: イキそうですか？いいんですよ？
TL: "Does that sound to your liking? Is that ok?"
ED: this isn't a continuation of the prev line even though you're rewriting it that way. it's more related to the other bubble on the same panel

Base +33, hobohobo +33

Thanks for feedback my japanese sucks, I rushed this and a lot of the onomatopoeia sfx is best fit because a lot of it with ぴ, ぺ etc was unfamiliar.

So

002
OG: じゃあ女の子とセ…遊んだりとか…？ = "What about girls and sex... or playing about...?"

005
OG: もうっ…こんなに出しちゃって… = "Wow... you came so much inside..."

006
OG: ええやろ？たまっとんねん。= "Okay/yeah?" and an expression like "I've been saving up for this" or something?

007
OG: ぶふっしゃーないメス犬やな♡ = "You don't care like a female dog" is an expression comparing her attitude to female dog attitude right? so although not a literal translation, "you're like a bitch in heat" is the closest english language expression approximation that conveys that sentiment?

008
OG: ぶふっええオメコしとるやないか！= "Heh heh, yes I'm going to take it!" ?
OG: せやろ？ヒイヒイいわせたるわ = "bufufu/bwahaha isn't that right? I'm going to make you cry out" or something?

009
OG: オメコがええのんか！言うてみい = "Oh my goodness! Say it/cry out" ?

016
OG: るっ… = "ru..." not sure if this is an onomatopaide, grunt, abbreviation or something else in this context, I think I thought it was a hum like るん
OG: まだ…できますよね勇者様？= "not yet... you can still do it hero?" or something like "say... can you go again hero?" would better convey meaning?

022
OG: イキそうですか？いいんですよ？= contextually "is that ok with you? are you going to (do it)"?

I'll try fixing and creating new gallery to replace

Base +6