Would love to get into this artist's head. Will try and work on the sequel soon.

Please criticize harshly.

RAW:http://e-hentai.fbk.tokyo/index/g/2433048/7d02f67157/

Edit (5/13): I learned how to actually read names.

I'm not going to comment on the TL but at a glance it seems fine.

But in terms of your text, it needs to be smaller everywhere. You have it far too close to the edges of the bubble which makes it look extremely claustrophobic.
On page 3, you have "Saya is really cute... B-but..", there's no need to have a gap at all like that. Readers can figure out that it's its own line if you use punctuation properly which you have.

However, what you should do is actually redraw or make an effort to cover up where the raw text originally was. It's very distracting to see white splotches behind text. This is especially noticeable on page 6 where one of the panels you can see where all of the raw text was.

The next big thing is your leading (space between each line), particularly when you are changing fonts. You should aim to keep the same leading visually, between all of your fonts. On page 10 you use a different font and it is immediately noticeable that the leading is much bigger than what was used just a page ago. This type of visual inconsistency is very jarring. In the same vein, please replace vertical ellipsis with normal 3 dotted horizontal ellipsis. Likewise, do not ever typeset text vertically like you have done on page 17 for "Aah!"

You can find resources from fonts to guides here: https://elii.cc/shbf

Base +5, dt1248 +6, IngmarS +7

This was one hell of a rollercoaster for sure. I really don't understand why that whole blackmail and roofies part was included at all, when they clearly both liked each other from the start anyway.

Base +5, dt1248 +6, just Zombie +7, Seiya88 +6, Nefasturris +9, Darthnader18 -7, Heiyang +6, Thulia51 +6

Marialite stories never make any sense but I still love them

Base +9, dt1248 +6, Memesan +6, slimedog +10, just Zombie +7

OK. Yeah, I mean if people can sexualize demons and lamia and other monsters, they might as well be able to sexualize skinwalkers. I guess. I just sorta put it in halloween horror myself. wish the tag was higher on the list of tags.

Base +7, Heiyang +6, CelestialNightmare +7

That skinsuit tag came out of nowhere. I should have expected it from this author though.

Base +6, just Zombie +7, Darthnader18 -7, Heiyang +6, CelestialNightmare +7

@Kyuume thanks a lot for all of this feedback. I'm glad someone went out of their way to write all of this out. I'll try to apply all of this when I work on the second part of this, and then try to come back and fix this up.

The resources are greatly appreciated, thank you!

Base +5

"Please criticize harshly."

Well for one thing, you keep writing "Saya" instead of "Sana"...

Base +13, kanekivantas +7