support the original author:

https://elii.cc/degrlm
https://www.pixiv.net/member.php?id=31592629
https://ci-en.dlsite.com/creator/2157

it kinda seems like you're just rewriting

003
OG: どっちのオスになりたいの？
TL: "Do you want a male?"
ED: she's talking to the boy (so she isn't asking if he wants a male)

OG: もちろん私よね
TL: "Because I do"
ED: she's suggesting herself as his mate of choice

OG: 私はいつでも準備できてますよ
TL: "I'm always ready for one"
ED: you make it seem like the girls are talking to each other when they're not

004
OG: ぼくクンは / 誰にも上げないっ
TL: "Boku-kun..." / "Won't give it to anyone"
ED: she's speaking her own thoughts here, she's not talking about what Boku-kun will or won't do

OG: わたしだけのオスになりたいよね♥
TL: "You want to be my own male..."
ED: missing detail, she's suggesting he wants to be exclusive

006
OG: 私のオスになるまでっ、
TL: "...And will do it until you became my male!!"
ED: this is connected to the line afterwards but you're connecting it to the line before it instead

Base +33, warellis +7, ikarosfd +8, _TOFM_ +6