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Find out more info about the WG Visual novel game on this public post here: https://elii.cc/fllsgz

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https://ouo.io/90AXGt

Just a small recommendation. On page 4 panel 3, the table with cakes looks very unnatural. Your use of perspective is one area I think you need more practice in, so you should focus on that going forward.

Base +6, nirvana24826 +4, Aaron Sekai +7, Your Brother +6, 陇宇冥 -6, 4tech7 +5, Mangoman26 +8

Looking forwards to seeing more, and watching you improve over time! Fun concept and I hope it ends up being more than 50lbs lmao

Base +6, YummySinpie +2, VoidStar46 +6, Your Brother +6, Itachi-kun +6, 陇宇冥 -6, miggaaa +6, 4tech7 +5, Mangoman26 +8

A few art tips:

Your posing is a bit awkward.
Page 12, panel 2 (or 3 depending on if the first one counts as 1 or 2 panels), for example. It kinda looks like she's throwing the food into the other girl's mouth, but it looks way too stiff.
People bend their arms when throwing things to give the object more inertia. You can buy reference figurines for pretty cheap online and there's some free software to help you get good reference poses. Heck, try taking photos of yourself and using those as reference.

Your line widths are inconsistent.
Page 12, panel 4 (or 5) shows this issue well. The jug, the liquid, the blush lines and the eyelash are all much more defined than the rest of the character's body.
Don't be afraid to draw your character again. It's a bit more effort but it will definitely make it look a lot better.

The copying and pasting issue.
Page 12, panel 2 & 3, and 6 & 7 are good examples. Copying and pasting a panel or drawing makes it look flat, like nothing is happening. Considering that this is in the middle of an intense feeding sequence, this feels awkward (especially panels 6 & 7, the eyes are a bit too far apart making the girl look a bit derpy.)
Once again, don't be afraid to draw your character again! Try different angles and perspectives to make a scene look more "dynamic."

And, as velour said, your perspective is a bit wonky at times (page 13, panel 4 looks very wonky, like the girl became a cardboard cutout)

Base +6, CFBB +5, fantasticunimportant +5, Snowbull +6, voxxyn +9, doviarab +6, 2um_3ear -9, Joklet +6, Your Brother +6, ramenpunch +6, 陇宇冥 -6, miggaaa +6, uwuowoonoawa -5, and 3 more...

This looks good. Sure you need more practice but I can see potential.

Base +6, Mangoman26 +8

The faces look extremely smushed vertically - panel 3 of page 75 being a good example. I understand that an effort is being made to make the characters look cute, but the comic is too often veering into this weird pseudo-chibi style that distracts the reader, and diminishes the impact of emotive sequences.

Base +6, VoidStar46 -6

This is moving at the same pace as a kipteitei comic

Base +6, VoidStar46 -6, CFBB -6

I was just thinking the same thing, @Stalin. Like... is this comedy? Porn? Is someone trying to tell a... story here? What, exactly, is that story? Or are we just roving from scene to scene, sprinkling in occasional bad humor and light touching?

Yeah, I get it: she's fat (in an unshapely way because the author, despite being a fat fetishist, can't actually draw big girls), and so on pg. 83 the boat settled in the water slightly. Wow. 5 panels of THAT, please.

Base +6, CFBB -6