This is definitely a rewrite, given all the added references. Page 8 should make it clear enough even without reading. There are text bubbles and sound effects added that weren't there originally.
Original: http://e-hentai.fbk.tokyo/index/s/03d2ccc043/2006202-67
This: http://e-hentai.fbk.tokyo/index/s/2ec6aa7a5c/2335802-8

Base +6, rsx205 +17, Ownerer +6, dasdk +8, MAZIGA +6, p187 +7, Beane +7, d4rkness +8, ziom236 +9, Ryuufap +6, darkrider1 +9, msrat +7, C.Edouard +7, and 7 more...

- Translate from the actual source work & language next time, otherwise even more nuance gets lost (which your group seems to not mind anyways from the completely rewritten lines and acknowledgement in the credits)
- The reason why you probably couldn't find the source work was because this work/author is licensed by FAKKU, so the raw + any TLs (including this one) are going to be nuked likely before you even see this comment
- Like LRaglan said, please don't throw dirt on the author by adding in new text bubbles, SFX and completely rewritten lines

Base +4, darkrider1 +9, msrat +7, C.Edouard +7, biscardone +7, McMiner +6, funk_u_up +12, Megasonic999 +5, Darknessend +6, dankestdungeon +22, KozuKy +6

April fools sure came early this year huh...

Disregarding that this is 100% a rewrite because I checked the raws as kindly linked by @LRaglan.
at least keep it somewhat serious lmao.

What were you trying to accomplish by having things like:
a completely fabricated "To infinity and beyoooond!!!"
"Mary mother of christ... ...uohhhh her tits... her boingo doingos are massive"
"She tastes soo good I want to turn her pussy into a moshpit"
"My men are ready to storm the beaches!"
"I want to make Niwa-San scream like Will Ramos!"

Base +2, msrat +7, Forgunia +7, C.Edouard +7, biscardone +7, McMiner +6, funk_u_up +12, Darknessend +6, cybeast93 +19, KozuKy +6

I dont know why rewrites exist. They are always a total turn off for me

Base +6, Darknessend +6, KozuKy +6