WAIT I’M SORRY THE LAST PAGE IS NOT FROM WIKIPEDIA IT WAS A TYPO

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Parody: Fate Grand Order
Artist: Marimo-ya
Group: Mori Marimo
Title: ジャンヌ&マリースク水Hしまくる本
Title (Romanized): Jeanne & Marie Sukumizu H Shimakuru Hon
Title (Translated): A Book About Jeanne's & Maries's Lewd School Swimsuits

Raw: http://e-hentai.fbk.tokyo/index/g/2098825/42367f37a2/

Translated by Hikura Scans
Translation: hikari
Typesetting: hikari
Redrawing: hikari
Contact: hikari#8263 (Discord) - Requests are open!
Support / Donate here: https://clk.sh/JGErDp

泳装耶，爱了爱了

Base +3, galeon +6

Thank you for this, hope the other ones get translated also

Base +6, Phantombet3 +6, Kazuar +7, Evyy +17

Viva la France!

Base +10, Phantombet3 +6, Kazuar +7, darkrider1 +9, Evyy +17, Lewdduck420 +6, cybeast93 +19, basedcupcake +6, A.Kasuga +6

About the last page, that's not redrawing, that's just a blotch of white, aka cleaning.
EDIT: I just realized that EVERYTHING is fucked. You need to export everything properly my dude: /img/e-hentai/attachments/490546041280659458/1021701190884536340/11.png

Base +11, cutegyaru +17, muhahah +6, Megaton +45, Spooky Ghost Butts +7

Page 3.

Your TL: I’ll just enjoy more JK plays!
RAW text: もっともっとJKプレイを楽しみたい！
Author’s intent: “I just wanted to enjoy more JK play!”, play as in fetish play, when you say ‘plays’ there, it doesn’t really make that much sense (kinda sounds like you’re talking about like a school play).

Page 4.

Your TL: THere’s been rumors of sounds in the pool when no one’s there…
RAW text: 誰もいないはずのプールで水音がするって噂．．．
Author’s intent: You got it pretty much right here, but it wasn’t just sounds, it was sounds of water. It’s a minor nitpick but it’s a mistake nonetheless

Your TL: I don’t sense any weird things…
RAW text: 特に変わった反応は感じられませんね
Author’s intent: “I don’t sense any particularly strange reactions…”, again, the translation is basically there, but it’s incredibly basic and watered down. She doesn’t just say ‘things’, she specifically says ‘reaction’.

Page 6.

Your TL: Then can you help me with it?
RAW text: じゃあジャンヌが解放してくれる？
Author’s intent: “Then can Jeanne help loosen me up? (idk my translation is shitty), basically it plays off what she just said about him being cramped, and he says something like “yo release me jeanne”. Your TL didn’t really capture the author’s words with just saying ‘help’.

Page 7.

Your TL: I haven’t told you anything, yet you’re being so aggressive
RAW text: まだ何もお願いしてないのに積極的だな～
Author’s intent: “I still haven’t asked you to do anything yet, but you’re being so assertive”, お願い = told you, I feel like you’ve missed the tone a bit here. Also idk if it’s translate 積極的 as aggressive, but maybe that’s me.

Page 8.

Your TL: Even though you’re being so cold…
RAW text: そんな涼しい顔しちゃってるけどー
Author’s intent: cool =/= cold, “Though your face looks so composed/indifferent/nonchalant/etc…”, the way you’ve worded it makes it sound like she’s acting cold towards him, not just seems disinterested/unperturbed about what’s happening.

Your TL: Master, you’re rubbing too much…
RAW text: ますたーったらそこばっかり．．．
Author’s intent: “Master, you- only there…”, this is just a complete mistranslation. She’s saying he’s only rubbing there, not that he’s rubbing her too much. I’m not entirely sure how this one happened.

Your TL: You’re forgetting about me…
RAW text: 切なくなってしまうわ．．．
Author’s intent: “You’re torturing me here…” (this is a really bad translation), basically she’s saying he’s accidentally putting her out from just rubbing her clit (implied from the other page (which I guess it makes sense you didn’t pick up on)).

Page 11.

Your TL: But this is too much to handle…!
RAW text: 強すぎる刺激で無理...!
Author’s intent: “But this stimulus is too strong, I’m being forced to-”, I get what you meant, but it’s just waaay too liberal/simple.

Your TL: Com-
RAW text: イー
Author’s intent: “Cum-”, I will spare no quarter to dirty come > cum translators. Walk the plank. (I’m not counting this one)

Page 12.

Your TL: Which one should I fuck first?
RAW text: じゃあどっちに挿れようなか．．．
Author’s intent: “Well, I wonder which one I’m gonna stick it in first?”, a bit vulgar to say ‘fuck’ instead of ‘put in’ like the author says.

Your TL: They both look nice though…
RAW text: どっちも気持ち良さそうで迷うけど．．．
Author’s intent: “They both look like they’d feel good…I’m at a loss…”, you basically got the first part right but missed the 迷うけど．．．bit.

Base +15, DJ_Puchuu +16, Lakshmi-translations +2, muhahah +6, RiveraDanyube -4, Megaton +45, Spooky Ghost Butts +7

Hello @Mr_Person, thank you for your feedback!
I'd like to explain some stuff in here though:

Page 4.
"I don't sense any weird things"
In the original text, she did say "reactions", but through reading, it's a bit weird, don't you think? What reactions? They were talking about water sounds earlier, so it would be weird to write "reactions". That's why it's been watered down to just "things".

Page 7.
"I haven’t told you anything, yet you’re being so aggressive"
For the first half, at first it was exactly the same as you said, but it's implied that "I haven't told you anything" = "I haven't told you [to do] anything", so I thought that it was fine.

Page 8.
"Master, you’re rubbing too much…"
That was my bad, I thought "ばっかり" in this case means "too much [of something]".

"You’re forgetting about me…"
You're on point with this one, however, there's really no 'good' translations for this, the first draft was "It's suffocating / It's painful".

Page 11.
"But this is too much to handle…!"
Simple is good though! I felt like "the stimulus / this simulation is too strong" is just a more complicated way of saying "This is too much to handle".

"Com-"
No. I will not lose this battle, come > cum always.

Page 12.
"They both look nice though"
"though" was added instead of "迷うけど", "I'm at a loss" / "It's hard to pick" seems a bit too overkill as readers can understand from the first sentence already.

I try not to make literal translations because sometimes it felt unnatural to go bubble > bubble, so there might be some mistakes here and there, sorry about that.
However, I think adding a "rough translation" is a bit too harsh, isn't it? I had drafts to check with my proofreader all the time.

(If you read this and get an implication that I'm angry / upset. I'm not, I'm just not good with critics, I'm sorry.)

Last edited on 20 September 2022, 19:07.

Base +4

I hope this means the rest of this series will get translations, I really love the art in these ones.

Base +6

@sakura hikxri

Hi there, totally didn't feel any malice from your response, it's all good. I know it can be a bit difficult to get criticism on something you've worked hard on, but mistakes are mistakes, you can only accept them and move on.

Page 4.

It doesn't have to be lit. reactions, that's the job of the translator, you have to curtail it as close to the original authors intent as much as possible without it sounding awkward in English. Just saying 'things' doesn't convey anything. 'Things' could be literally anything, not saying something along the lines of 反応 is a mistranslation.

Page 7.

He says お願い, this does not translate to 'told you'.

Page 8.

Both of those would've been fine. You can't just write whatever you want because you can't make the original translation work in English. There's being liberal, and there's making things up.

Page 11.

Simple is not good when it leaves out part of the translation. You completely ignored 無理やり.

Page 12.

You left out the 気持ち, 'they both seem like they'd feel nice', and I don't believe that 'though' translates 迷う completely.

I apologize but the tag standards are clear, these are without a doubt mistakes and the tag applies. And this is only through 12 pages, I don't really have any doubts that if I were to look further into it, I'd find even more. It's entirely commendable for you to not want to adhere too closely to the Japanese syntax as that is what we all do, but, if I'm being frank, some of your sentences are still a bit awkward in English (but this is natural for you being an inexperienced translator). If you had a proofreader, I'd assume it's only for the English because whilst some of these mistakes can be attributed to lack of experience in translating period, there are mistakes here that bely gaps in your understanding of Japanese. Obviously, as I just said, you're a new translator that has limited experience, so these things are not only expected, they're completely reasonable. So I'd suggest just accepting the criticism laid out and working harder in the future.

Base +15, Lakshmi-translations +2, Megaton +45, Spooky Ghost Butts +7

@Mr_Person
Hello, thank you for your reply.
I’ll keep these in mind for the next translations! And sorry for the inconvenience as well.

Base +4