Hiiragi Popura’s Suraimu Ka no Noroi would be good

Base +6

My Japanese isn't amazing, but it looks like this might be an iffy translation...? At first it LOOKED fine, then something happened TWICE that makes me think you're chucking this into MTL or something; getting the subject (person speaking) wrong:
Page 7 (6.jpg), last bubble: The PRINCESS is speaking. She's saying (continuation from previous bubble) "if I just hold off on cumming...!" or something to that effect.
Page 11 (10.jpg), middle panel, left bubbles: Again, the princess is speaking, I have 0 clue how you could ever get that wrong. She says "Even if you continue, it's useless..." "Even if you stimulate my sensitive place that just came...", so you've more or less got it correct this time but have the wrong subject.
I'll admit, MAYBE this is an issue of being rushed. I can't be bothered to check everything else, not at my level of Japanese and translation skill (as might be obvious when you look at the awkward 'translations' above). Either way, I'm not sure you should be making work of this quality.
These two particular errors surely would be caught by a proofreader, so maybe look around for some help in that regard?

Base +13, Tryndamere95 +17, John Darksabre +7, cutegyaru +17

@HeavHo
I'm an editor/typesetter, not a translator... Well, I did translate a few things but those were simple enough.
I'll simply talk about page 18 (17.jpg). It's similar to what you already noted: Getting the subject wrong. Technically, the raw doesn't specify very much who is talking, but logic & small hints can be used in order to properly determine that.

"Especially when there's someone I care about right in front of me" => The slime witch is talking there. We can see that with the girl's reaction next. Surprised to see her sister => It means that she didn't notice her before = couldn't have said it. Moreover the first bubble is also quite important. Here, the translator (?) decided to go with "Is it okay to do this?". While it's close to the raw, it seems that the "でも" / "Demo" / "But" wasn't translated. This "But" is quite important to notice as it shows that the slime witch was still talking.
Then we have the "What am I doing here?"... Likewise the "I" is incorrect. That's the main character talking here so "What are you doing here!?" would have been the correct translation. We can see this with the bubble's form (yelling), the "!?" at the end (again = yelling). Meanwhile the big sister is waking up = Can't really yell. The slower reaction (due to 'being groggy') is indicated in her texts with the "...".

Well, in any case, I already had this work in my ToDo list so I guess I won't remove it from that list.

Base +24, J Shadow +6, _Mary_ +5, cynamonbunz +38, GearZeroSky +20, Tryndamere95 +17, John Darksabre +7, cutegyaru +17, sonia82sarkar +6

yooo thank you so much for this, been waiting forever for a translation!

Base +6, ElisaG +27, JFK_360_Noscope +15, Thesubjectdelta +6, Tryndamere95 +17, underkill +6

Page 4.

techniqus > techniques

Page 6.

travel > travelled

Im > I'm

embarassing > embarrassing

Page 8.

Im > I'm

heros > heroes

under estimate > underestimate

Page 10.

I only made one thrust... > I only thrusted once...

Page 15.

I just want to get the XP out of you relax okay? > I just want to get the XP out of you. Relax, okay?

isnt > isn't

Base +15, cynamonbunz +38, JFK_360_Noscope +15, Tryndamere95 +17, neo_skyline +19, cutegyaru +17

hey guys translator here, so I saw the comments for this and looking back, yeah I was really sloppy with this one and reading it back I'm really shocked some of this stuff slipped by me. When I was translating this I was really tired and honestly just wanted to get it over with. I'm gonna keep working at it and I'll try to be more careful next time.

Base +1, JoyPanda +8, hdmp +6, JFK_360_Noscope +15

@111 yami111

Good on ya mate, it happens aye. Thanks for taking the criticism in stride and doing right by yourself and the community. Look forward to seeing more from you!

Base +15, J Shadow +6, JFK_360_Noscope +15

Page 10.

I only made one thrust... > I only thrusted once...

Isn't proper English "I only thrust once..." ? Looking it up:

Past tense of thrust: thrust

Past participle of thrust: thrust

"Thrusted" just sounded weird to me. I think it's not really a word. Just wanted to add that if it helps. Thanks for helping fix the issues; this looks like a nice doujin.
_____________

I also decided to read through a few of the first pages and found several things that stuck out as being awkward / wrong in the English translation so went and read the RAW for those parts as well. These errors weren't just phrasing it incorrectly or something, they were just completely wrong / had nothing to do with what the Japanese said.

"Phew, I got some free time now" -> "Whew, these ones weren't so tough either."
"fu, konkai mo yoyuu da ne"

Literally, it's like "whew... this time.... also... (won with) ease". Saying that the monsters are weaklings so this battle was also a piece of cake. Has nothing to do with free time. Wasn't sure exactly how to phrase it but something like ^ above makes more sense to express what she's saying in English.

Page 7-
"Those levels are going right to your clit aren't they?" -> "You'll squirt out your levels. <3"
"sono hou reberu ga 放出houshutsu sareru no <3"

Again, literally it is like "in that way... levels... release; emission; ejection...will have happen"

In English it'd probably be good to phrase it as squirt out or shoot out your levels, since it's a female cumming.

Right before that she says "If you cum like that, what do you think will happen?" And based on how the main character reacts after that also saying she'll just hold back from cumming then it makes a lot more sense / doesn't make sense as what it is now.

Same thing with the top right bubble before that on Page 7.

"What the hell is this? When I try to use my powers my lower body GET'S more powerful."
"nanda kore ha!?奥義(ougi) chikara wo tsukaou to suru to 下半身kahanshin ni chikara ga...

First of all GET'S --> GETS, there is no apostrophe in gets. Second, again this just sticks out as making no sense. You generally have the right idea, but the end of it is wrong / makes no sense.

They're doing that thing in Japanese where they trail off their sentence and don't finish it, but it is still implying something; so we have to type out that implication in English or it doesn't make sense in the translation.

It's saying "powers.... use... try to... lower half of body.... power...."

And it trails off after saying the power.... (accumulates in) is probably a good thing to use as the implication. "My lower body gets more powerful" doesn't make any sense.
____________________

And this is only with me checking a few things that stuck out to me like a sore thumb as being wrong / awkward in English in the first few pages. I'm guessing there's a lot more that's wrong based on these errors / level of comprehension. I'd say that it's good for generally knowing what's going on, but is definitely not a great translation.

Sorry for being harsh; I know this criticism is blunt but the quality of the translation is what it is. It's great that you're willing to make corrections and seem to have a good attitude despite comments that you could get upset about.

Last edited on 11 September 2022, 08:09.

Base +26, neo_skyline +19, cutegyaru +17, JFK_360_Noscope +15

I've never personally seen a clitoris, but I'm fairly certain the artist hasn't either

Base +6, Leximaru -16, JoyPanda -8, Sweating_profusely -6, Goretanton -6

@giftz
Although it is seldom used and rarely mentioned, "thrusted" is indeed part of the English vocabulary. It's usage also encompasses the simple past tense and the past participle of "thrust".
The infrequent usage might explain why it sounds awkward or improper.

I don't know if you could really call it improper English, since it does retain the root word "thrust".
It's also not slang or an informal word (e.g. "ain't" when compared to "isn't").
I'd argue it's not, but I guess it'd depend on whether or not you have a hardline approach to the English language.

Base +7, JFK_360_Noscope +15

Slime possession and body control are way too rare for how hot they are.

Base +5, tribombly +6, sonia82sarkar +6, JFK_360_Noscope +15, Goretanton +6

http://www.dlsite.com/maniax/work/=/product_id/RJ378740.html
http://www.dmm.co.jp/dc/doujin/-/detail/=/cid=d_239813/
RAW: http://e-hentai.fbk.tokyo/index/g/2165474/725653d36b/
Chinese Translation: http://e-hentai.fbk.tokyo/index/g/2297718/e05a053a48/

Base +67, JFK_360_Noscope +15, underkill +6