Original: http://e-hentai.fbk.tokyo/index/g/1584595/59f8540b72/

The translate isn't quite good since I do it to train my English. Feel free to point out any odd line you find, I will try to fix it later.

Base +6, Dundrf +6

Well… Don’t mix Japanese (for Mei) and English (for Tōko/Hilda) names. Please, prefer using Japanese names only, since not all readers live in English-speaking countries (and each language has its own names: for example, in the French version, Mei and Tōko are named Écho and Ludvina).

Base +6, Anosaphia +6

Missing pages 23 and 24, click here and here for reference.

Base +15, Anosaphia +6

You might want to GREATLY improve your English before uploading your translations publicly. I reached the threshold in barely 2 and a half pages. To justify the tag:

p.2 it seem => it seems
p.2 a lots => a lot
p.2 i stare => i stared
p.2 it mean => it means
p.2 had challenged you => has challenged you
p.2 i strike => i struck
p.3 it had been => it has been (it's been)
p.3 just from imagine => just from imagining
p.3 of having sex => cut the "of"
p.4 each other strength => each other's strenght
p.4 study => sturdy

Base +14, Anosaphia +6, Elusi +6

Yeah, there's just a ton of small grammatical errors and missing articles everywhere. I didn't check the original a lot, but the translation isn't bad otherwise, but please make sure to get a better grip of these basics, or at least get a proofreader to check it for you.
Also, like someone else mentioned, don't mix up the girl's Japanese (Mei) and English names (Hilda). Although I would argue for taking their English names instead of the Japanese ones instead, most importantly choose one and stick to it.
pg. 2: "It seems like"; "I stared too"; "eyes have met"; "it means we"; "I struck gold"; "has challenged"
pg. 3: "It has been"; "awhile" -> "a while"; "just from imagine of" -> "just from the thought of having" or "just from imagining having sex"; "Mei's pussy" -> "my pussy" (speaking of oneself in the third person doesn't translate well into English and should usually be avoided)
pg. 4: "each other strenght" -> "each other's strength" (typo on strength as well); "dick looks even"; "it looks so hard and sturdy" (typo on sturdy); "If such a thick rod goes into my..."
pg. 5: "at blowjobs like"
pg. 6: "he made me cum"
pg. 7: "my odds of winning against your dick are low"; "let's find out"
pg. 8: "pussy feel good"; "I have never fucked a"; "That means I can"; "Don't be too cocky" -> "Don't get too cocky" or "Don't be so sure" (sounded unnatural); "I haven't shown you"
pg. 9: "spooning, isn't it" (missed a comma); "my hips"; "what happened"
pg. 12: "that I came inside"
pg. 13: "loves sex a lot has joined"; "I've had it inserted inside all this time" or I would recommend "It kept going inside me all this time"; "just met him"; "but I've spent"
pg. 14: "you are ready to take turn then" would be "you are ready for your turn then" or "take a turn then" but I think that translation is not quite correct anyway, it means more "Alright, then I'll have to get ready as well"; "no pull out" -> "don't pull out" and "but pull dick out" -> "but pulling it out"; "had to deal"; "and it's fully"; "such a thing"
pg. 15: "at such an angle"
pg. 16: "it feels great"; "it feels amazing"; "after you fuck Mei's" -> "after you fucked Mei's" (or Rosa's, rather); "is now sticking"; "seeing this makes my"
pg. 17: "he used my"; "did you just cum"
pg. 18: "until it becomes a"; "did you really fight such a terrifying"
pg. 20: "you two had done" -> "you two have done" but that part is very freely translated and misses that he praises their pussies, I would recommend instead something like "Good job, you two did well. Both of your pussies... felt like the best I've ever had"
pg. 21: "commemorative" (typo); "victory is ours"
pg. 22: "A few days later"; "Onii-san brings his"; "Let the orgy"

Base +6