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HentaiVerse

[Yuzumonaka (Hinaki)] Kukkorose no Himekishi to nari, Yuri Shoukan de Hataraku koto ni Narimashita. 2 [English] [Hurakano] [Digital]

[ひな姫] くっ殺せの姫騎士となり、百合娼館で働くことになりました。キスカ連載版 第2話 [英訳]

Manga
Posted:2021-03-10 22:44
Parent:None
Visible:Yes
Language:English  TR
File Size:13.68 MB
Length:25 pages
Favorited:334 times
Rating:
105
Average: 4.29

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Posted on 11 March 2021, 03:41 by:   BadBurger     PM
Score +31
Not sure why @TheGoodGiggle is making such a big deal. They're right; the grammar isn't perfect, but it's not like this is unreadable or even distracting. There are some rudimentary mistakes that need fixing, that's all.
Posted on 11 March 2021, 05:16 by:   aleden     PM
Score +114
Not sure I would go as far as TheGoodGiggle here, these types of comments don't typically help the translators actually fix the gallery or anything. Everyone is entitled to post whatever they want of course, but yeah. BadBurger is right, most of the grammar mistakes are rudimentary. I would like to point out that in the absence of a comment actually detailing around 10 mistakes within 40 pages, the 'Poor Grammar' tag should not be applied. There are galleries that are much, much worse. You don't just get to apply the tag if you think it's bad. You have to compile the mistakes. Just an FYI to the person who tagged that. However, that being said I did go through and detail where you can fix the script up and polish the gallery.

Prostitutes start THE day early.

"...won't you agree Lili' would sound a bit better as 'wouldn't you agree, Lili?'

disregard FOR our sisters, some lines missing an "a" here or there, 'what with the' could be 'what's with the', 'girls quickly explained in short' to 'the girls quickly explained'

'how was it, you would tell a mate' - not sure what this means, specifically.

'it is a good idea to make yourself personal client first' - again, not sure what this means specifically. Probably just needs to be cleaned up a bit to clarify. Maybe you meant 'It's a good idea to find yourself a personal client first'?

'not the place for the rookie like you' would sound better as 'not the place for a rookie like you to show off'

You are mixing up your articles a little bit. Phrases like "I somehow found the customer' sound strange to native speakers. As if you found 'the customer'. She's looking just to get a single customer for the night in this case, so using 'a' instead of 'the' tends to sound better. "I somehow found a customer!' works better. It's a slight trend I've noticed throughout this book, it might be good to get this proofed by a native speaker. (If it is a native speaker whos proofing, then it's not that in every instance they're necessarily 100% wrong as much as it is that they have a strange way of speaking and writing)

'you really are someone from other world', include 'the' here. E.G "you really are someone from the other world" or even 'you really are someone from another world!'

As I mentioned earlier, here's another article mixup. "I have to stop her from talking in the prostitute-like way' sounds better with 'a' instead of 'the'. E.G "I have to stop her from talking in a prostitute-like way!' or "I have to stop her from talking in my prostitute-like way!' or even "I have to stop her from talking using my prostitute skills!'

"She's holding special feeling for the princess" Your proofer/TL has an issue with plural nouns as well, typical mistake. It's no big issue, but its good to be aware of it because these are simple and easy fixes for the future. "She's holding special feelINGS for the princess"

Indecend to Indecent

'Prostitutes start day early' to 'Prostitutes start the day early"

"What does it mean you came to the brothel without money?" makes her sound like shes asking a question rather than making a declaration. She wanted her to be her personal client, so it's more likely, following the narrative, that she's trying to say "What DO you mean you came to the brothel without money?! You want me to go into debt?!"

Anyways, I really hope that helps! Been following this story since the first gallery (and I don't remember it having many issues at all) and I really enjoy it. As soon as I saw the cover I got really excited! Thanks for putting out this series for us. Like I said, I hope the criticism comes off constructive (it's supposed to be, at least) and helps you clean the gallery up. It'll sound and flow a lot nicer with just a few very basic fixes here and there.
Posted on 11 March 2021, 16:00 by:   Amuro1X     PM
Score +29
@kitsuneH
Shut the fuck up, you entitled little bitch. Do you know how many fucking TS/GB works there are where a guy randomly becomes a girl and immediately gets raped and turned into a cock slave because that's "what women's bodies are programmed to do." It's frankly astonishing how most TG stuff is just hetero with extra steps.
Posted on 11 March 2021, 18:48 by:   Pesetas     PM
Score +3
Ah, the classic interrogation by exploiting their feelings, but with a sprinkle of yuri, gb, and isekai altogether.
It is kind of short though...
Posted on 12 March 2021, 04:37 by:   Satoru     PM
Score +8
馴染み客 - intimate client, or maybe would be better as exclusive customer

@aleden already pointed out many things you can improve.

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