I noticed that you used the resampled images instead of the full-size ones. At the very bottom of the RAW files (http://e-hentai.fbk.tokyo/index/s/97744e27fc/1545730-2 , for example), you can click "Download original source" to get the full-size RAWs. If you have enough GP, you can also click "Archive Download" on the right-hand side of the gallery tab of the RAW, then click on "Download original archive" to get full-size scans.
It's actually quite shocking how many scanlators don't realize this.

Also as well, your project isn't even leveled or set to Greyscale instead of RGB color, which is the default setting for Photoshop (assuming you use Photoshop). To change from RGB color to greyscale, go to the top menu, select "Image", then "Mode", and finally Greyscale.
In addition to exporting your images as either 32 or 64-color PNGs, you can also save the color images as jpegs (70 to 80 quality) to further cut down bloat.

I can tell your scans aren't leveled because the blacks aren't completely dark and the text bubbles are all supposed to be white instead of grey. I can clearly see where you whited out bubbles thinking they were white when in fact, they're grey. General rule of thumb is that RAW files always need to be leveled to fix shading discrepancies.
This URL will show you how to properly level scans: http://viid.me/9MwbG

And please, for the love of God, read every single topic in this Cove of Scanlators forum before you even touch another project and really learn the ins and outs of editing to significantly improve your work: https://ouo.io/r8s2mb
Everything from properly cleaning scans, good typesetting, font choices, and much more can be found in that forum thread.
You can also look at scanlations from established groups such as Little White Butterflies (which I'm an editor for, btw), RedLantern, White Symphony, and Team Koinaka, see how their works look, and emulate them to be able to edit more effectively.

Your intentions are good, but your garbage editing ruins an otherwise perfectly fine doujin. That being said, even though I'm not a translator, I think your translation definitely needs work. Good editing and good translation are both hard work, which is why most scanlations not from the established scanlation groups that I mentioned previously are unreadable trash. The vast majority of uploaders don't put in the time and effort that a great scanlation needs and just put out garbage, disrespecting the artists they claim to support by shitting all over their works with their inexperience and (in some cases) ineptitude.

Which brings me to my next point: your first couple of projects are not going to be your best works. It's just a fact with scanlations, especially if you have no prior experience. Pick more obscure titles and start to hone your craft from there, then tackle the more popular stuff when you've improved your editing (and hopefully your translating as well). If only I could speak to every single e-hentai uploader in the entire world and give them the same message, maybe e-hentai wouldn't be flooded with McHentai.

Base +28, Maxiler +7, as102 +11, Hoshizora_Rin +6, Bedbin +16, Derhguy443 +5, Recon_ +13, box7 +6, Gurenge +4, huntethan2 +15, Ookami28 +7, Merchantx +7, DaiyaO +10, and 21 more...

Man that mechanic sure landed himself a nice bote.

Base +8, Yossarian762 +7, nonShade +12, Brego1 +6, l33tmaan +6, jindoko90 +6, pkplat +11, yukkurikeeper +6, as102 +11

Absolutely amazing style, Yukiguni's Suzutsuki is perfection <3
Thanks for translating this great piece and wishing you best of luck in getting her!!

Base +9, jindoko90 +6, pkplat +11