A story of my own that I try to tell with my amateur third-party editing. Credit for the original images goes to Bitter Sweet and their artist Poma.

Original gallery:
http://e-hentai.fbk.tokyo/index/g/526554/c1227e127b/

Also, if this is not a translation it should be tagged with rewrite.

Base +7, sonictmp +7, pedromartinezx +6

Well, I used some of the images from that gallery. I suppose the "rewrite" tag is the most accurate to describe what's been done. The tag is already showing up on my end, as if someone else has already tagged it. Was that you? If so, you have my thanks for helping...

Base +8, GlassWing +7, sonictmp +7, Corruptio Ultima +7

Even for a rewrite, it's alright. I love how Poma drew the Tales of characters. I might drew few rewrites at some point. Probably.

Base +5

This girl would become a great attraction in the hood.

Base +7

I'm not exactly sure how to respond to Silver_F0X's comment. Best I could figure the "story", for what it is, is rushed and far too short.

Sinal1, if you want help making your rewrites, I'd be happy to help in any way I can.

*looks at the rating*Wow... That's disheartening, I put this up hoping people would enjoy it. I wish they'd at least tell me what they didn't like about it, so I can possibly improve.

I'm going to try to revise this gallery and rerelease it later. Hopefully the revised version will be an improvement... If there's anyone here who'd like to help me, I'd appreciate it... In the meantime, this one stays up, hopefully someone will still enjoy it...

Base +8, kuroshinzo -10

@DigitalPunk05

I hadn't even read it. Thank you for trying to understand my nonsense. Really, it's appreciated.

BTW, I think your work is pretty solid. Don't worry about ratings, one cannot appeal to everyone and people are pretty harsh with ratings here. You surely made people happy by posting your work and I hope you keep on rocking!

Although I'm not sure if I could help, if you feel I can be useful, please hit me up.

Have a good one!

Base +7, Corruptio Ultima +7

Rewrites probably just get scored lower, idk. Overall, its alright, but since you wanted some feedback, here is mine. Story-wise, Collette's change of heart happened way too fast, imo. She gets raped, begs him 'no' and all that standard fair, and then all the sudden shes mind broken and obsessed with sex with the guy and begs for more? Stories like this are better with gradual mental shifts, and here the 180 is so sudden its jarring, especially when its out of character for established characters. Not really related to the story, the endnote trying to tell the reader that the guy who literally starts the story by raping her isn't a bad person is kinda... off-putting, but ultimately it doesn't really effect the work.

Base +7, Ryuufap +6, Vivi1993 +16, Corruptio Ultima +7, cycber +16

@Blargan
Hence why I'm rewriting it... Also, I suppose I should say he's not entirely a bad person but he's not entirely a good person either... I was trying to characterize him that even though he initially raped her so she would be with him, he's actually in love with her... So how gradual would you say it needs to be?

Base +8, Corruptio Ultima +7

@DigitalPunk05
Thanks! So how can you help me with rewrites. Though I already know how to edit pictures.

Base +5, Corruptio Ultima +7