The second tale in the ongoing Vanilla Fantasy series! Enjoy.

Links:

Patreon: www.patreon.com/iamre
Pixiv: *Under construction*

Great stuff! This is why it's important to be honest about your feelings!

Base +2, Lostalgia +8

dude the start of the story sucks fuck that slut

Base +7, lishde1 +10, kahn0219 -6, Lostalgia +8, Honeycat -40, Scaurus +7, deaddogd -7

@dsamons1 Lol! Well, she got fucked indeed. :D

Base +4, lishde1 +10, kahn0219 -6, Lostalgia +8, blah1139 +6

i hate this one, a dumb bitch and a ... cuck

Base +12, Lostalgia +8, Honeycat -40, Scaurus +7, deaddogd -7

I hope this is a constructive feedback. The art in this one is pretty good. The story? Well, it seems to be going for a cheesy tsunade but I can't seem to like the chick. If you read this you kinda realize that the girl has ruined the guy's life. Every story kind of has a subtle moral hidden in it. But in this, I can only see that no matter how much abusive and destroyer of your lover's life you are, you'll get away with it if you have a vagina and a pretty face. I could see at end there being a try to create sympathy by showing that the female may have not had a good or even consentual first time but then you realize that she didn't learn anything from it and still slept around with others which I might add is kinda realistic as it has been observed by people how restore victim act but its only effective in a story of the character was originally a nice person. If they were originally a dick and become just a bigger duck then well.... You kind find it hard to sympathize with them. Also the guy is just a pushover. He just falls for her who I remind you has ruined his life and made his lover breakup with him.
Tldr art's good. I hate both the characters.
Also I find the lack of cute giants... Disturbing...
Looking forward to your next work.

Base +6

@john trine

No worries people. I hear your criticisms and I'll keep em in mind for the future. As I mentioned in the last page, I was trying a different formula from the previous story, and decided to take the opposite direction in the concepts I presented before, mostly to experiment with new stuff, but for a vanilla story, I may have taken things a bit too far, lol.

The next entry will be back to form, I swear!

Base +4

@IaMrE good to know. By the way, I didn't like how I stated the problem but not the solution so here is the solution. Instead of having the guy find the diary at list, you could have had him find it when the girl was knocked out. Him realizing why she was the way she was... Structure a heated confrontation between the two of them which leads to awkward sex... Few awkward days or hours (depending upon how much passage of time you want to show). Then another confrontation, this time less heated. Both coming to terms, with the girl becoming less of a duck and the guy becoming less denser. This would have been kinda little better. Though I would have still kinda disliked the character. I guess you could have added them either return back and punish the first guy agen mentioned she dated or like how you ended. Hope you find this idea interesting.

Last edited on 23 November 2018, 05:36 UTC.

Base +6

@john trine Thanks for the feedback, man! Obviously, the idea was to show that she actually changed her behavior towards him after this incident and the little hint that she was not a complete life waster for him is in the names of the characters, as it is implied that he is this world's version of King Arthur, and he will become emperor someday (I was planing on putting easter eggs to this in latter chapters). Unfortunately, it seems that I wasn't all that successful in expressing all this ideas clearly in the chapter, due to me trying to keep the brevity of the story (the pre final draft was 105 pages long!).

In any case, I'm gonna be focused on finishing the core series first and after that I'll consider doing spin off stories or re-edits for them to flesh out both these, previous and future characters better. I'll keep your suggestions in mind, tho. :)

Base +4

@IaMrE yeah. By the end you could kinda notice that she changed but the problem seems to be that there is nothing leading to that. Except the sex. But it's understandable if you skipped due to shortening of total pages. While I would suggest take your time instead of skipping few tidbits since the little things in stories make it relatable, but I understand that there are things called deadlines XD. In the point of him being king in the future... Yeah.... Didn't see that happening. I felt it would end with both either becoming adventurers or opening a shop.... That is something I absolutely didn't see coming.... So... What a twist... XD. In concluding I would say don't be afraid to show down and take time. Maybe let your patreon about the original 100+ pages being shortened and maybe have a poll if they would like quality or quantity. Cos remember, they are your patreons because they're fan of your stuff... They liked it and trust you so don't be afraid to going for large number of pages. And remember that little tidbits like a couple's fight makes it relatable and thus makes the frictional stakes higher for every emotional stuff higher. Seeing your art that not all smut but but if interesting story spread on it makes it unique in my eyes and I like that... Keep it up and don't let it get you down. I'll be looking forward to your next stuff... Now lurker mode engaging...

Base +6

I really like what you're doing here! I like the story your telling and the people in it. Not everyone can be bright eyed sweethearts. It's okay for some of your characters to have some bitch spice. I don't think you went overboard. Variety is a good thing! I can't find much here or elsewhere that's doing the good work of the kind your giving us! You're up there with S.Expedition and Broken Hilt Inn, but they seldom update anymore. Keep going strong, and tell us the story YOU want. I salute you my man!

Base +6, Honeycat +49

@MrMaster1988 Thanks for the kind words! Don't worry, every time I put something out is always something I really like to do. I don't feel ashamed of these characters since, after all, the intention from the beginning was to do something different from the first story. If anything, I take from this one that it may be a good idea to not feel constricted by deadlines and take the necesary time to flesh out the characters a little more, but on a conceptual level, I think it worked well and I'm happy with the result.

Also, Broken Hilt Inn was a big inspiration for Vanilla Fantasy! gotta check S.Expediton now too. :D

Base +4, Semi-Hex +4

@IaMrE i hate this history so much but i still like u, check this one http://e-hentai.fbk.tokyo/index/g/739307/759773e5f0/?p=1

Base +12