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[Felsala] Brother please can you sleep with my boyfriend [Ongoing]

Free Hentai Western Gallery: [Felsala] Brother please can you sleep with my boyfriend [Ongoing]
Posted:2018-08-14 15:13
Parent:1259603
Visible:Yes
Language:English  
File Size:4.86 MB
Length:6 pages
Favorited:414 times
Rating:
115
Average: 4.52

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Posted on 14 August 2018, 15:13 UTC by:   felsala     PM
Uploader Comment
Read from left to right

English is not my first language, so if you see any error in any text please tell me how to write it correctly so I can fix it, thanks.

Pixiv: https://www.pixiv.net/member.php?id=15281283

Twitter: https://viid.me/9Mw4A
Posted on 29 May 2018, 22:01 UTC by:   The Butt Wizard     PM
Score +274
If the rich boyfriend sees his dick, Andy can just say that it's a feminine dick. Feminine dicks aren't gay, so it's fine.
Posted on 29 May 2018, 23:50 UTC by:   ritsukai     PM
Score +29
$ _$ emoji tag when?
Posted on 30 May 2018, 02:13 UTC by:   colpyro     PM
Score +54
Brother please may I have some oats?
Posted on 30 May 2018, 02:39 UTC by:   hjerry     PM
Score +72
I've never really understood these setups. I mean,, HOW is he not going to notice his girlfriend has a dick?

Now, if the whole thing is a setup, and the boyfriend knew from the start, then that's another story.
Posted on 30 May 2018, 05:23 UTC by:   The Butt Wizard     PM
Score +43
@hjerry

To be fair porn lends itself to more ridiculous scenarios that inevitably end in sex. Like they could pull some sitcom-level humor to avoid the boyfriend noticing that he's actually fucking a dude, like when he grabs his dick simply swap it out with a cucumber or something like that.

Hell I'd love to read something like that. Like Three's Company only they're actually having sex instead of stuffing a turkey or something.
Posted on 30 May 2018, 06:10 UTC by:   chibikami     PM
Score +94
@felsala

Your art has gotten a lot better overall. Your characters' proportions are stronger and they have better motion than they used to. Your faces are still a little weak, particularly in the jaw area where you seem to fall into some old habits (consider where the center line of the face is and how far the chin goes on either side. It seems like you've got the far part of the chin, but you keep drawing the jawline curve past where the near chin part should be.
Keep getting better.

You asked for callouts on text errors.

page 1:
Yes, the title page
Better grammar would be "Brother, Can You Please Sleep With My Boyfriend" or "Brother, Could You Please Sleep With My Boyfriend" or possibly "Brother, Would You Please Sleep With My Boyfriend"
Most words in a title are capitalized (except for "the", "of", "and", and "or". Exceptions to this rule are when they are the first word in the title)

Page 2:
Panel 1: "I promise, I'll never ask you for another favor again"
The comma is important. it works without "for" but it's more correct with it

Panel 2: nothing wrong, but the dialogue itself is stiff.
"So you're not just joking around?" or something like that would feel more natural

Panel 3: "But he's a millionaire"
Take advantage of the contraction where possible with casual conversation. "He is" sound better as he's

Panel 4: ""Millionaire?" to "A millionaire?"
The boyfriend's financial status changes from concept to noun.

Panel 5: So many commas; this is what we call a run-on sentence. Too many ideas being crammed together without end in one thought.
"Yes, his family has lots of money and I met him through a friend. The problem is that he wants to have sex with me but I want to remain a virgin until marriage."

Panel 6: Okay, but needs better dialogue "I'll help you, but you owe me for this..."
Ellipsis dots (...) are a good way to indicate an ominous underlying intention and make a good segue (another fun word, pronounced "segway"). Be careful not to overuse them though or they get annoying

Page 3:
Panel 3: "I hope he doesn't find out I'm a man"
Again, contractions. And I won't get into the proper use of a semicolon, but you could replace the comma in this bit with ; and it would work nicely.
"I never thought I would wear women's clothes someday" is a bit stiff and begs for a second half of the sentence (such as "but I kind of like it"), but it would be better off rewritten
"I never thought I'd be dressed like this" or something like that. It could also be situational like "I never thought I'd be meeting my sister's boyfriend dressed like this"

Panel 4: "Shall we go up to my room"

Keep up the good work
Posted on 05 June 2018, 22:01 UTC by:   weigazod     PM
Score +9
You know when i first get myself into the Trap appreciation society. I find myself hard to distinguish male from female but now i give up. Good art! :)
Posted on 21 July 2018, 21:39 UTC by:   Dustfinger     PM
Score +22
Looks promising so far.
Posted on 21 July 2018, 22:01 UTC by:   babybombs21     PM
Score +33
FUCK MY BOYFRIEND OR ELSE
Posted on 22 July 2018, 01:04 UTC by:   Kiranta     PM
Score +2
I get the feeling he already knows he's a guy, but is only looking for a good time anyway.
Posted on 22 July 2018, 07:23 UTC by:   neh1234     PM
Score +26
If I were the boyfriend, I'd break up with the girl who clearly believes I'm too stupid to not notice the dick. Heck. I'd fuck her brother in front of her for good measure.
Posted on 22 July 2018, 07:56 UTC by:   M0M0E     PM
Score +32
There's 7 other comics still in ongoing status. Can we bring those to completion before looking at starting new comics? It looks like an awesome comic, but one foot in front of the other please.
Posted on 22 July 2018, 17:24 UTC by:   sixugliness     PM
Score +17
Finally an update, looking forward to the next one.
Posted on 22 July 2018, 20:00 UTC by:   Updog1     PM
Score +28
Man, sure is a lucky coincidence that the sister happened to be flat as a board and the brother has a big ass, otherwise this plan wouldn't make ANY sense
Posted on 14 August 2018, 17:31 UTC by:   sixugliness     PM
Score +6
Now we are getting to the exciting part. Can't wait to see the boyfriend's reaction after learning she is a he.
Posted on 14 August 2018, 21:30 UTC by:   Muffdiver884     PM
Score +8
...If Andy succeeds, the bf is going to want more of the same. This favor is never going to end.

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